A to Z of Bollywood!

Well, some time back, Aashish and I came up with our thesis on Bollywood! Right from 1970's retro cinema to 1990s' typically cliched Govinda-Kumar Gaurav-Vivek Mushran cinema! Read and enjoy!


1. PLOTS: 90% of the Bollywood movies are based on the following plots!

(i) Jaya and Raj are childhood friends. When they grow up, their friendship transforms into love. But their parents oppose their love. Will they stand up against everyone and the society?


(ii) Pooja, Rajat and Ramesh are best friends. Ramesh loves Pooja but Pooja loves Rajat. Rajat comes to know about Ramesh's love for Pooja. Will Rajat sacrifice his love for Ramesh??

(iii) Raj Singh and Jai Singh are FIERCE ENEMIES. Their children meet in college and start liking each other. They decide to marry against their family's wishes!

(iv) Two brothers grow up on the opposite side of law. The law-breaker, however, will suddenly turn over a new leaf before the end, bash up the villain (who is the *real* bad guy), and be pardoned for all his sins before the last-scene family reunion



We have also noted that there are some typical names given to certain characters in almost every Bollywood movie of the 90s

The Businessman group

Mr. Singhania: He is usually the biggest and most influential businessman in the movie, usually who funds crime under the table, and NONE of the police force realises till the end that he is a villain.

Chopra saab: He is the next level of businessman after Mr Singhania. A friend and usually a lesser business partner of Singhania, and the heroines father.

NOW, CHOPRA AND SINGHANIA HAVE 3 FRIENDS (no less, no more, yes its true)

1)Comissioner Roy: he is the head of police and a VERY good friend of Chopra and/or Singhania. Depending on the situation, he is either corrupt to the core or a true patriotic policeman who doesnt know of Singhania's plan. He is usually flanked by constables Pandey and Gaonkar.

2) Dr. Majumdar: He is usually Chopras friend. He is included in the movie only because there is always an accident in which his expert advice and presence is needed. He is a true friend, and is NEVER aware of the plot of the villains. He is a kind, old balding person (you get the picture), who cares for the heroine deeply.

3)Lawyer Tyrewala/Patel: Usually a friend of Singhania exclusively. And here is the freaky part: If he is Tyrewala, he is honest, but if he is Patel, he advises Singhania on all that is evil and unseen. He also fights Singhania's case in the inevitable court scene and always wins! His motto is always "main jhooth ko sach, aur sach ko jhooth mein badal sakta hoon".

The Hero's group

The Hero: His name is ALWAYS something Kapoor or something Bhatia. Usually it is Raj, Rahul or Prem. He is the perfect human being, no flaw at all,and usually hails from a poor and opressed family, who is wronged by Singhania, as his dead father either worked for Singhania and found out a bit too much about him, or was Singhania's friend who was no longer useful to the businessman.

Hero's Sister: She usually gets kidnapped, or implicated in some other way, so as to demoralize the hero. The open criminals play a huge part in her distress, with Singhania helping only a bit. Her name is usually Tina, Meena or Sheetal.

Hero's Childhood friend: Depending on the hero's name, it can also be Raj, Rahul, but its usually 'lesser' names like Rajiv, Rajat, Vivek, Ganesh, Narendra or Rajeev. His part is only to blindly stay by the hero's side.

Hero's Informant: He may be a paanwalla, small-time crook-turned-good, beggar, or whatever, but his name is ALWAYS Abdul, no questions asked. At some point in the movie, he succeeds in infiltrating the criminal gang, is found out and is either killed, or he returns to the hero in a sorry state, serving to further fuel the heros hatred against the villains.

The Policeman Group

Apart from the COmissioner mentioned earlier, there are others in the police force.

DCP Saxena: He plays a very minor role in the movie, and is usually the first person to find out about the corruption of Singhania and if the Comissioner is included.

Inspector Khanna: He is the Ideal Police Officer. Honest, fast thinker, and a great detective. He is ALWAYS related in some way or the other to the Hero's family. He is the one who makes the eventual arrest of the villains, otr fires the last shot, whatever may be the case.

Inspector Kelkar: He is the total opposite of Khanna, and is holding his post due to influence of the criminal gang over the police force. Corrupt to the core. His role varies from being only a side character to the main reason of the failiure of all the police missions.

There are more constables and officers, but they are NEVER pivotal roles.

The Criminal group

The Don: He ALWAYS has some forceful, hard-hitting name like 'Zaffar Khan' or 'Feroze Supari'. He is a known villain (unlike Singhania), but is never caught due to his influence. Only the hero is able to get him in the end. He has limitless funds and numerous faceless goons ready to die for him.

His Bodyguard: The Bodyguard is ALWAYS a foreigner. If he is white, his name is Mark, Rocky or Jackie, and if he is negroid, his name is Martin. he talks using grunts and his fists. Occasionally gets trigger-happy. Beats the Hero to a pulp on the latter's first and always unsuccessful attempt to get even with the crime boss.

The middlemen are never mentioned, only the lowest level 'gangs' are. They are:
The Blue Panther gang and The Black Cobra gang.
Lower-level members of the crime syndicate are named Rizwan, sohail and Abbas.





Here are some of the most commonly used dialogues...in the typical movies of the 80s and 90s..
Heroine to Villain: Bhagwan ke liye mujhe chhod do...

Police to criminal: Ab tumhara khel khatam

Low class criminal on phone to his Boss: Boss, Maal pakda gaya! Woh inspector Rajat ne hamara bahut nuksaan kara diya!

Hero to Heroine: Maine shayad pehle kahin tumhe dekha hai
or
Hero To Heroine: Pata nahi kyun, par aisa lag raha hai ki main tujhe saalon se jaanta hoon

Heroine to Hero after some misconception: Mujhe pehle hi samajh jaana chahiye tha ki tum mere se nahi, meri daulat se pyaar karte ho...

Hero to Villain [towards the movies end, when the villain is about to die]: Main tujhe chhod deta Ram Singh, par meri maa ke maut ka badla leke hi mujhe chain milega!


Hero to Heroine/Heroine to Hero: Main tumhare bina marr jaunga/jaungi
or
Main tumhare bina nahi jee sakta/sakti

Anyone[who loses in the end] to Anyone[who wins in the end]: Tum shayad jaante nahi ki tum kisse baat kar rahe ho...

SOME MORE RULES: This has been taken from a source...but the above article is completely made by Aashish Vasudevan and Kanhaiya Maheshwary

2. If the number of heroes is not equal to the number of heroines, the excess heroes/heroines will a) die b) join the Red Cross and take off to Switzerland before the end of the movie.

3. If there are 2 heroes in a movie, they will fight each other savagely for at least 5 minutes (10 if they are brothers).

4. Any court scene will have the dialogue "Objection milord". If it is said by the hero, or his lawyer, it will be overruled. Else, it will be sustained.

5. The hero's sister will usually marry the hero's best friend (i.e. the second hero). Else, she will be raped by the villain within the 1st 30 minutes, and commit suicide.

6. In a chase, the hero will always overtake the villain, even on a bullock-cart, or on foot.

7. When the hero fires at the villain(s), he will never
a) miss
b) run out of bullets. When the villain fires at the hero, he will always miss (unless the hero is required to die, as in rule 2).

Rab Ne Bana Di...

Last night, I came back home around 12:45am, after meeting a couple of friends, and found everyone in the house fast asleep. I was in no mood to sleep, since I had slept for quite some time in the afternoon, and was feeling very bored. I switched on the computer, and inserted the DVD of Dumb and Dumber to catch some of the comedy scenes. But then, I just opened the movie folder in my PC, and saw a folder titled, "Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi"...

I had wanted to see that movie since a long time. I was among one of those who were eagerly waiting for the release of the movie, since I'm a big fan of the movies 'directed' by Yash Chopra and Aditya Chopra. These geniuses project romance on screen as never seen before. So I was even disappointed when critics rubbished the success of the movie. I opened the folder, and started the movie.
2 hours and 44 mins passed and the movie finally got over. The end of this movie was a kind of one I had never seen before and could have never imagined...! . Shah Rukh Khan was best as ever, and proved again why he holds the Numero Uno title in Bollywood. Aditya Chopra showed that he is the same person who made a movie like Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge. On the whole, the movie lived up to my expectations, since I'm a die hard fan of Aditya Chopra and Yash Chopra's movies.

As I had expected, the movie was a technically polished product. Vinay Pathak had me in splits in various parts of the movie. The dances were amazing too.
All in all, the final verdict would be a 4/5 from my side. I loved the movie....the concept was amazing, and only Aditya Chopra could have written it. A big thumbs down to the critics who had predicted the movie a flop.

One and a quarter Face of the Youth...

Something for the youth of today.. who are wasting their lives behind alcohol and drugs.

Song: Raam Ka Naam Badnaam ka Naro...
Movie: Hare Rama Hare Krishna
Stars: Dev Anand, Zeenat Aman
Music Composer: RD Burman
Lyricist: ANAND BAKSHI

Dekho O Deewano Tum Ye kaam Na Karo
Ram ka naam badnaam na karo.....
Hare Krishna hare Ram

Ram ko samjho Krishna ko jaano
Nend se jaago O mastano…..
Jeet lo man ko padhkar Gita
Mann hi haara to kya jeeta, to kya jeeta?
Hare Krishna Hare Raam, Hare Krishna Hare Raam...
Jeevan ko nashe ka tum ghulam na karo
Ram ka naam badnaam na karoo…
Hare Krishna hare Ram


Ram ne hanskar sab sukh tyaage
Tum sab dukh se dar ke bhage...
Krishna ne karm ki rit sikhayi
Tum ne farz se aankh churayi
O ram duhaayi
Hare Krishna hare Ram
Jeevan naam hai kaam ka
Aaram na karo
Ram ka naam badnaam na karo
Hare krishna hare Ram

I finally cried after 5 long years....

As far as I remember, it's been around 5 years...since I last cried. By cried, I mean I cried literally, in an emotional state, with tears coming out of my small eyes.
2 days back, I was sitting on youtube, searching for Kishore Kumar's live performance and studio recording videos, and got hold of quite a few of them, but could not see all of them that day. Then yesterday night, I was narrating my father about the few videos which I was able to see. My father, in reply, told me that he had actually seen Kishore Kumar recording a song, right in front of him. The movie for which the song was being recorded was "Begunah" and was made by Mr. Ram Maheshwary, a distant relative of mine, but the movie never released. So my father had the opportunity to see the legend Kishore da recording a song in front of him. That day, Kishoreda showed one more of his genius avatar - the studio was booked only till 5pm. Kishoreda arrived at 4:45pm, listened the tune of the song just once from Rajesh Roshan, and recorded the song in his first take, in 3 minutes flat, while the female singer Sadhana Sargam had been practising that song for 2 and a half weeks! So I always feel that other singers like Rafi, Manna Dey and all may be good in their own way, but they came nowhere near the legend Kishoreda.
So this morning, I again searched the youtube for all his videos, his live performances, studio recordings, filmfare performances and everything else. My father, brother, and I started viewing the videos, and soon after, they both went for some work. I started watching them one by one....and then in one of the videos, suddenly, a person commented - "Kishoreda ab hamare beech nahi rahe. Unka dehant 13 October 1987 ko hua..." and in an instant tears filled my eyes... Why did Kishoreda have to die? Why could I not meet him? Why could I not get the opportunity of meeting the legend...the best singer the world has ever seen? I remembered that the last I had cried was around maybe 5 years back, when I must have been in class 7 or class 8....and after that, today. But then, I composed myself again, and recollected the fact that Kishoreda is actually God sent messenger, and perhaps, very few chosen people actually have the opportunity to meet such people.
JAI KISHOREDA!

Haadsaa!

Recently came across a peppy, fast, nice track by Kalyanji - Anandji that I feel, describes my city quite well in a manner. Having been born in the city of Mumbai, and practically lived here all the 17 and a half years of my life, I think, I know what the city is all about! So check the lyrics out,

Yeh Mumbai shaher haadson ka shaher hai
yahan zindgi hadso ka safar hai
yahan roz roz har mod mod pe hota hai koi na koi
haadsaa haadsaa haadsaaaaaa haadsaaaaaa

yahan ki khushi aur gum hai anokhe
bade khoobsurat se hote hai dhoke
bahut tez raftar hai zindgi
hai phursat kise koi kitna bhi soche
khushi haadsa hai gum hadsaa hai
haqeeqat bhulakar har ek bhagta hai
yahan roz roz ki bhagdaud main hota hai koi na koi
haadsaa haadsaa haadsaaaaaa haadsaaaaaa

Haadsaa... Haadsaa...
yahan aadmi aasma chumte hai
nashe main tarakki ke sab jhumte hai
hari roshni dekh bhage woh tare
achanak ruke phir se banke katare
yahan ke parindo ki parwaaz dekho
hasino ke chalne ka andaz dekho
yahan husno ishq ki aawo hawa main hota hai koi na koi
haadsaa hadsaa haadsaaaaaa haadsaaaaaa

When I heard God's voice...

Being a singer myself[not professional...but not amateur either... well...you can say, In the Making!], I truly owe a great part, or rather everything to two people, which finally results into a single person only. Well, I won't go on to confuse you any further, and what I mean is that the two persons I owe my singing to are my father[he sings, so it's literally in my genes], and the other, too big a name to say, Kishore Kumar....well...you actually run out of superlatives to describe the singing GOD. I owe them my singing, and the fact that it leads to one person only means that even my father owes his singing to Kishore Kumar, since my father, a beautiful singer, learnt everything by listening to, and singing Kishoreda's songs. So, in a big way, Kishore Kumar has greatly influenced my life.
I can think of very few singers, whom I genuinely admire, apart from Kishore Kumar, whom I not only admire, but also worship. So, the main thing is that practically, I've grown up listening to songs of Kishore Kumar, right since my childhood, till date. You may or may not believe it, but I actually have found flaws in two of Mohd. Rafi...the great Mohd. Rafi's songs! But never ever in Kishoreda's songs. Well, he was GOD! How could he make mistakes after all.
Take any song of his and you will find that no other singer has dared to sing all genres. Sad, Romantic, Fast, Catchy, Slow, Upbeat, Adventurous[can you imagine a song to be adventurous? But that's Kishoreda's magic], Emotional, Comedy....EVERYTHING! The most astonishing fact is that Kishoreda never ever learnt music! Can you believe it? Yes, that Kishoreda never learnt singing or any music, is a truth, but still, he became a singer that the universe sees once in it's course of disintegration and rebirth. The sun may expand, blast, cool off, and be reborn, but a singer like Kishore Kumar can never be reincarnated.
Born as Abhas Kumar Ganguly on the 4th August, 1929, to a lawyer, Mr. Kunjilal Ganguly, in a small town of Khandwa in Madhya Pradesh, Kishoreda was tagged a 'failed singer' by his elder brother, the great actor Ashok Kumar. This did not deter Kishoreda from pursuing his singing, and he vowed that he would prove all others wrong, including his brother. ComposerSalil Chaudhary, who had initially said that Kishore Kumar couldn't sing, went on to sign him for every movie he composed for thereafter! As a student in college too, Kishoreda would memorize all his answers by composing them into a song!
He was a complete artist, a singer, a composer, a writer, a lyricist, an actor, a director, a producer, and gained huge success in every field. Some called him mad, due to his activities, but that was because he was a humorous person. Some incidents regarding this are that he would always take his harmonium and climb up the roof of his house whenever income tax officers used to come to his house, and NO...he did not have any issues, but just that he liked to have a little fun, and he would say always, "Peeche Pad Gaya Income Taxam, Jai Govindam Jai Gopalam!". A little known fact is that once, he actually demanded that he be allowed to record a song standing upside down....and guess what....He actually recorded the song that way. Even RD Burman, one of the greatest composers India has ever seen, and Kishoreda's friend, acknowledged Kishoreda's genius, and used to include Kishoreda's song in all his ventures. RD Burman even openly admitted that he was bias towards Kishoreda. In RD Burman's own words, "How Rafi struggled as Asha so exemplarily stretched the crucial Aaha-ha aa jaa aaha-ha aa jaa notes. Give me Kishore any time - he would've latched on to it in a trice!” and “Only I know how I got Rafi to do Tum ne mujhe dekhaa! ” insisted Pancham. “With OP, remember, Rafi was on his home Punjabi ground. I don't agree I was more patient with Kishore, not so patient I was with Rafi, he slipped into the same vocal error - time and again. Kishore - you had to teach him but once, he was onto it like a shot. See the feel Kishore brought to Chingaree koii bhadke. But that's straight Bhairavi even for Kishore.”
Be it the lowest pitch or the highest, Kishoreda's voice remained the same, and the tonal quality never suffered. Hail Kishoreda, the greatest singer ever to step on the planet Earth...There are people who come and go, but Kishoreda will remain...

Times are changing fast...

A couple of years back, I was watching a promo of a new movie with my dad and brother. The music in the promo being youth oriented, my brother and I liked it instantly, but my father did not seem to like it. Dad then declared that the movie would surely be a flop, owing to it's not-so-good music. When I asked further, dad said that just as a man is known by the company he keeps, a movie is known by the soundtrack it has! He said that during his own time, he used to make out whether a movie would be hit of flop just by hearing the music in the promo. That was a time, and true....the movie which dad told would be a flop... flopped big time!
But now, I noticed that the times have changed rapidly. No more can a movie be judged by it's music. The recent years saw a rise in the music culture, with composers giving hits after hits. Songs of all genres are found almost in every album, since composers keep on experimenting. But the number of good movies and the number of good music albums have had no connection in the previous years. To point out a few, Jhoom Barabar Jhoom, had a wonderful title track and few more good numbers, but the movie failed miserably. Some more movies which were box-office duds but still had wonderful sound-tracks are Ta Ra Rum Pum, Salaam-E-Ishq, Delhi 6, Yuvvraaj to name a few. Really...times are changing fast!

The Beginning And The End

These are the most beautiful and meaningful lyrics ever written. If you observe closely, they contain universal truths..and it can be said the everything in the world start from and end here.
Song Name: Affirmation
Lyrics by : Savage Garden(Australian Pop-Rock Band)

I believe the sun should never set upon an argument
I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands
I believe that junk food tastes so good because it's bad for you
I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do
I believe that beauty magazines promote low self esteem
I believe I'm loved when I'm completely by myself alone

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love 'til you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality
I believe that trust is more important than monogamy
I believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul
I believe that family is worth more than money or gold
I believe the struggle for financial freedom is unfair
I believe the only ones who disagree are millionaires

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love 'til you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe forgiveness is the key to your own happiness
I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed
I believe that God does not endorse TV evangelists
I believe in love surviving death into eternity

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love 'til you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye